Christmas is now over.

Thursday-Monday.
12 hours of driving.
It was fun but long-
Really long.

My mom, Sarah and I sang-
A chin song.
We've been asked to make it tradition.
I think we can handle that.

Monday night
We had Bryan's brothers
and Alyssa.
They are fun-
And funny.
I laughed so hard I cried.

Bruce is a crack.

Today I'm cleaning.
And putting Christmas stuff away.
It's such madness-
I can't handle it anymore.

I love crafts!
I'm addicted to stamps and ribbon.

There are still two more weeks
Until school starts again.
I don't know what to do with myself...

I've never read Little Women.
So I went and bought it.

We each received 50 buck-o-roonies
from Bryan's grandparents.
So I went and bought a bunch of games-
Scene It
Battle of the Sexes
Uno
Connect four
and
A deck of cards...
(We didn't have any cards.)

Bryan and I also got
Deal or No Deal
From Brent and Alyssa.
It's no fun-
They agree.

So don't buy it!

No School On Monday

Finals are over.
This makes me so happy.
Three weeks of vacation.


...Then it starts all over again.


Now to think about Christmas.

Grumpy Butt

What a poopy day.
Well, it was alright until a while ago.
Let's just say that I suck at finances.
...And I feel nauseous.
Blah.

Unknown Class

My husband bought us a new tree.
It is now up and decorated.
It's very lovely.

Two more weeks of school.
Next week-
Then finals.
I have a lot of work to do.

My photography teacher let me in on a
Secret photography class.
She said I shouldn't give it up.
I don't want to.

We cleaned today.
Then we took pictures-
I want to send out Christmas Cards.
Bryan even dressed up for me.
He's so handsome.

Happy (four days late) Turkey Day.

Thanksgiving was very good.
Yummy pie-
Tasty turkey-
and wonderful family.

It was a long Holiday though.
Thursday until Sunday.
We're happy to be home.
Ah.. Home.
Bed...
Comfy, sweet comfy bed.

The beginning of something great...

So my brother-in-law and his fiancee
asked me to be their florist.
I'm so excited to make them pretty bouquets
to walk down the isle with.
The beautiful arch that they all walk under.

They didn't have a wedding planning book.
So I made them one.
It's so beautiful,
Not because I made it,
it just is.

Then, since they like my pictures,
they've asked me to be their photographer.
For their wedding!
...no pressure...

So today we went out
and I took pictures of them
in the park,
and on the playground,
and frolicking in the green,
green grass.

I think the pictures will turn out well.
I'm really excited for them-
I don't know if I am more than they are...

So I'm developing them tomorrow
because I can't stand it.
I want to see them.

In other news:
Last week my brother-in-law and his fiancee
borrowed our car for an in-town conference.
And Friday night they said it was acting strange
as well as smelling it.

So on Saturday,
after they left,
we got a call and it was them.
The car died as soon as they pulled
into the parking space.

To make a long story short-
The belt shredded itself-
It had to be towed.
It's now going to cost $400

Not to mention that it was
only the immediate stuff that they fixed.

We still need to take it back in
in a month for the tune-up.
That should be another $300.
Hopefully not.

I'm so excited for the pictures!...

Bar-ber-grill

This has been a really cool weekend.
First off my mom and sisters came up to see us.
Although we were happy to see them-
Chloe was happy to see them go.

It was nice and relaxing.
And I'm so glad both my sisters came.
I love them so much.

And wonderful Sarah, bless her heart,
got so bored she did our dishes.
Thanks babe.

But hopefully we didn't pick on Court too much.
We all love you.
You're just so dang cute!

Fyi, Nacho Libre is really funny.

I have a canker sore.
It hurts.
And a big fat zit that won't go away.
That's just good fun information.

After my mom and sisters left-
Bryan took me out for some new clothes.
I needed more pants-
I was kind of lacking in that dept,
Considering I was wearing Bryan's every so often.
It doesn't help that they're so comfy.

So I have three new pairs of pants
and a skirt for next summer that I got on sale-
Or for now if I don't mind freezing my bum off.
I guess I could go buy something for my legs.

I need a scarf.

I also got two new shirts.
They're really pretty.
Bryan likes them-
that's all that matters.

Bryan also took me out on a date.
It was great.
He's my mate.
We had food on a plate...
Ok I'm done with that.

...even if it was really great...

Yay for the best family ever!

Things learned this weekend:
-It is no longer Barbeque but bar-ber-grill.
-Anti-social cats are not to be reckoned with.
-Courtney needs a trampoline.
-As well as hiding the computer and ds from her while here.
-Delivered pizza takes extra long when your really hungry.
-You can have a happy weekend without many pieces of chocolate. Even if it's not as much fun.
-And finally, squeeze your butt when trying to reach high notes while singing.

Photography and I have a love/hate relationship

I took four rolls of film before I even developed them.
Thus far three have turned out out overexposed.
So I really only have one usable picture for sure
And maybe three or four more that I can salvage.
It was my fault, not the camera's...
I think.
But I'm pretty sure that the aperture was opened too far.
So far I don't have anything I can really turn into a picture.

Therefore, I redid my first assignment.

I will have to go in to school early tomorrow to get this all done.
These pictures are due on Friday so I'm freaking out a bit.
Just a bit.
Because I have to go out-
Take pictures-
Go to the school-
Develop them myself-
IF they turn out-
I have to figure out the picture maker thingy-
Then make a contact sheet-
And lastly a picture.
So I'm a little nervous to get this done.

Pray my pictures turn out please and thank you.

EDIT*
My pictures turned out!
Well, some at least.
But that's better than nothing.
This way I'll have something to turn in tomorrow.

Supposidly A Quick Update...

Bryan and I went down to my mom's.
My little sister got sick with strep.
She gave it to my little cousin
and my mom.

I got to see my aunt Kimmy.
She's so beautiful.
Her and my mama both.

My grandparents looked good.
I got to run around looking for film with my grampa.
We were in search of good film.
It was so great talking with him.
He's such a wonderful man.
The best anyone can ever meet.
I married one of the few left that are like him.

My grama is so wonderful herself.
The epitome of what all women should strive to be.
And my grampa what all women deserve.
They are beautiful together.

They also got a kitty.
My grampa doesn't like cats...
However, he was caught sleeping with Simba on his chest.
Simba the kitty is so tiny.
Bryan played for two hours with him.
Bryan wore out before the cat did.
When Simba finally did he fell asleep on me.
Slept near my neck...
so tiny.
Teeny tiny...

In other news:
Bryan started his new job today.
We got to sleep in til 8:15.
Woo-hoo.
He had a good day.
I hope I can be as happy as he is with his job.
He's doing what he loves.
Programming to him is what art is to me.
I'm so happy for him.

A big blanket and tea sounds awfully nice...

It's so cold out.
The wind is strong and makes it colder.
You can hear it while inside.
Sounds like people are wrestling-
on the outside of our third story apartment.

Bryan and I have a new roommate.
My brother-in-law's fiancee has moved in.
Long story but for your entertainment:
Her parents are stupid
and very manipulative.
She's fed up and said she was leaving.
So they kicked her out
and said she could only have what
she could take right then and there.
So she only has a bag of clothes
and her bedding.
That's it.
But they said she's more than welcome
to come back...

Anyway,
We told her we'd take care of her.
I'm sure she thinks we're angels
comparatively to her parents.
Especially since they were severely strict.
It was nuts the rules they'd enforce.
Then being happy with her one moment
and the next being disappointed because
she didn't do what they wanted.
Oh the stories I could tell
(second hand of course).

I've made another painting.
It's really cool.
Since my mom and I feed off each other
I put a twist on something she did.
It's always fun when we do that.

School is cool.
That's right,
I went there.
I'm getting A's in all my classes
except for one which may be a B or C.
Very sweet.
I'm actually nervous
that I won't keep it that way.
Ack!

Photography is awesome.
We're learning to develop our film.
So now I get to figure out
how to load the stinkin' camera
and then take pictures.
I'm way more pleased with my digital
that way I can delete as I please.
Oh well,
Maybe I'll just be that more awesome at it.
Hopefully.

I have to go to the dr.'s tomorrow.
7:30 in the morning-
That's crazy.
I didn't know the day started until eight!

We also have Capoeira tonight.
That means I have to go back out in the cold.
But it's so cold out.
The wind is strong and makes it colder.
You can hear it while inside...

Doot doo doo...

I had a good weekend.
On Sunday we realized we could have gone to see my family.
It's Mattie's birthday tomorrow is why.
(Happy Birthday sweetie.. the Big 0-5)

But we did nothing-
At all.
It was great.

I have a test on Thursday.
A BIG test.
I'm excited.

I made note cards for it-
Then I got made fun of for them-
By people my age...
I thought we were in fifth grade for a moment.
However, I knew just about everything on everything...
And I'm gonna ace the test.
So booya.

The house is a mess.
It always gets that way after the weekend.
I come home early today so I'll clean it.
Bryan works really hard so I hate to leave it.

I had my Algerbra test on Friday.
I'm hoping for a C but I may, may have a B.
Here's hopin.

Last night there was yelling outside our window.
It made me nervous.
Sometimes I wonder why we moved to this part of the city.
That would be my bad.
But the rent is way good for the apartment we have.
Can't complain too much.

I've been doing lots of thinking lately.
More than the usual anyway.
In that thinking there are a lot of realizations...
And new understandings.
Not to mention wants...
Hopes and dreams.

...Lots of thinking...

Once Upon A Time...

So, I stole this entry from Karadyan's site. So, making sure to give her credit, it's a very good entry and I feel the exact same way with a few moderations.. Sorry Karadyan but I didn't have asthma.

I miss being a little girl. Everything was so much easier then. The only boys that hurt me were bullies that didn't want to admit they liked girls. My hospital visits were because of checkups, not depression. Money wasn't an issue, and no meant no. Mom's opinions were all that mattered, And the only person I needed watching over me was Jesus. Walking around barefoot was less dangerous, and splinters were the only daily drama. Selling lemonade on the corner made me enough money to last and we played barbies instead of gossipping. Playing with people meant playing actual games, and you could only cheat on a test. "Best friend" was more than just a title, friends forever didn't seem so impossible, and laughing wasn't a chore. Curfew was when it was dark, all my friends lived within walking distance and the neighbors didn't care if we played in their yards. Walking to McDonalds or the pool was exciting for us because we got to cross the railroad tracks. I cried over scraped knees and elbows, not broken hearts. We were more concerned with each other's well being than the newest zit on our own face. Pinky promises actually meant something and "getting away" meant going to the treehouse next door. It wasn't so hard to love each other and we didn't notice each other's imperfections. Yes, I miss being a little girl.

Updating....

Everything is well.
I'm still getting over the last of my cold from what seems forever ago.
I just hope I'm not getting sick again.
That would suck.
School is going well.
I have a test on Thursday in Biology.
A possible quiz today in Algerbra... or friday -She's trying to be tricky.
But on a good note I'm getting lots of exercise from walking on this dang large campus.
So that's nice.
Bryan and I are trying to save money so we can pay off our loans and the credit card.
Because it's our gas card we're having a hard time getting it down.
That means limiting our driving especially down to play Capoeira.
It uses a quarter of a tank everytime we go to play.
It's crazy.
Target called and wants to interview me for the bakery dept.
I don't know if it'll work anyway because they may want me to work from 4am til noon.
That's just crazy.
I like my sleep and really I don't do well before 7:30ish but 8 is better.
A nap sounds good...

I can tell you love me...

This morning I took my wonderful husband to work. And as we said our good-byes for the day he said to me, "I can tell you love me by the way you look at me." I asked him how I looked at him and he responded, "Like the way you looked when I first told you 'I love you.'"

I love my Bryan. He's my prince.

Sick Days for Adults

Yesterday I thought I had allergies.
So Bryan and I went to go buy claritin and benadryl.
Then last night I slept horribly.
I woke up at one.
Then again at 2:30 from a sneezing fit and couldn't fall back asleep.
Although it hadn't been 12 hours from when I took the claritin I took benadryl cause I thought it wasn't working and I needed some relief.
And sleep.
So I waited a half an hour then went back to bed.
About 3:30 the fire alarm was going off at the school across the street.
Bryan was already awake from it and came when he heard me wake up.
He ended up calling 911 and was told someone else had called as well.
I fell back asleep, if you can call it that, then woke up when I heard the fire truck arrive.
The alarms were turned off and I asked Bryan if I had dreamt it.
I didn't.
I slightly woke up again twice before I heard Bryan showering.
He told me I needed to get up-
I had an eight o'clock class to go to.
I felt crummy getting around.
Still kind of felt like allergies but I soon started feeling the symptoms more intense.
Bryan said he thought I might have a cold because he has allergies too and he wasn't feeling anything.
So I zombied my way through class.
Ran out of tissues.
Slept for an hour in my car before my next class.
Woke up sweating from the my cold and the heat.
Realized I do have a cold.
Grabbed more tissues and almost skipped algerbra-
But it's college and there are things to turn in and homework to receive.
Zombied my way home.
Slept for two hours.
Ate cereal.
Zombied my way over to the computer to type this little note.
Stopped after three sentences and went and stood under a hot shower for a while.
Came back and zombied my way through this blog.
Hope you didn't zombie yourself by reading this.

On a happier note:
My birthday was tuesday.
It was a happy birthday.
I love all my family.
They are thee most excellent people ever.
Bryan is wonderful.
Courtney is so fun.
I'm working things out with Sarah.
My grandparents looked good but the drive is long.
Malachi is huge, walks has lots of teeth and is so adorable.
Mathia broke her leg playing gymnastics in her room.
Everyone signed her cast-
My mom even decorated it with gems and pretty stickers.
I got to see my uncle Jon for the first time in nine months.
And Kimmie's hair is so long.
Oh and my mom is beautiful-
As always.

I'll see the in-laws on Sunday for my birthday.
But Brent is so great, he sent me a texted Happy Birthday on my way to class.

Thank you again, Courtney, for having a ceramic pot made for me.
And thank you again, Mom, for the incredible and lovely scrapbook.

Comfort zone....................................................me

So I stepped out of my comfort zone today.
My photography professor has assignments for us.
One of them is to take pictures of animals/livestock.
She said road kill was cool too.

There was a dead coon on the road to wal-mart.
It looked so sweet-
Almost like it was sleeping in the middle of the road.

I always hate seeing road kill-
cause it makes me sad.
I feel so bad for the dead creature.

After wal-mart I passed Ralph-
(that's what I named him)
And after I passed him I felt the need to turn back.
So I did.

I took some pictures.
And I realized Ralph's mouth was open.
His tongue was hanging out.
He didn't look like he was sleeping anymore.
But I did it.
I got up close to a coon.

Now all I have to do is wait until deer season.
The truckers can't help but splash through those poor, poor deer.
Last winter there were splatters of deer on the same road as Ralph.
You only knew it was deer because the skinless rib cage was so big.

back to school

I'm going back to school.
After being out for 2 years I felt it was about time.
I'm really excited and classes start this Tuesday.
I working towards having an Associates in Arts.
My first class is photography.
But I have to take biology and algerbra...
That's not so exciting.

Family Trip... up to see us.

My mom and little sis are here this weekend.
So far it's been alright. I don't think we are all so used to being in such tight quarters but I think we'll all deal.

Hey fellas. Slow down, we're engaged.

Congratulations to my brother-in-law Brent who is officially engaged as of eight o'clock last night to his girlfriend of (almost) a year, Alyssa.
Technically it's not correct but I'm glad she'll be my sister-in-law.
I say I was here first so therefore I have rights to Bryan's brothers as my own and they are.

I love you boys. You're my favorite brothers in the world and I couldn't ask for better cause you're the best.

Congratulations again Brent and Alyssa.
You both deserve the best and you two are it.

BitterSweet

So today I put in my two weeks as a nanny for Josiah. I am officially going back to school to be an Art Major. I'm really pumped but after I got home and looked at the picture of Josiah from the day I realized just how much I've grown attatched to the little guy. So all in all it truly is bitter sweet.

Dearest Josiah,
My little love. How I will miss you and your sloppy kisses. The way you cringe when you eat peas and how you smell when you poop your diaper. Oh the fun we have had over the past seven months. All your crazy grunts and the mischevious grin you give me when you know you're doing something you shouldn't. And how you've grown, from a tiny baby that was swaddled in my arms to a crazed crawler. I still love you bud. And I will always be your Aunt Seppy.

Married on a Tuesday

It's our 2nd anniversary today! What a wonderful two years. And not to mention that I'm married to the most wonderful, sweetest, loving and most handsome man. I wouldn't trade him for the world.

And happy anniversary to our capoeira friend, Joseph and his wife.
We're not the only crazies to get married on a Tuesday.


On another note I'm going back to school to get a degree in Arts. If you know my last attempt at college then you know that I pretty well got screwed on the whole deal. So... I'm starting over. Basically. But frankly I don't mind and I'm excited and nervous all at the same time. But it's either be nervous at a new college or watch the baby for the rest of my life.
Not happening.
Anyway, I'm so happy! Yay.
Ok that's all.
...Yay!

Who knew potatoes could become liquid...?

Ok so we're not lazy but we are forgetful.
Bryan went to take the trash out because it needed to be done. He remembered that we had a bag of old potatoes that were in desperate need of being pitched and went to go get them. When he opened the cupboard it smelled like the old potatoes then more so as he pulled them out.
As he was recovering from the odor only I noticed the brown liquid dripping from the bag. He noticed my yelling and quickly tried to stop it with his hand. That turned out to be a terrible mistake because then his hand reeked of the potato liquid.
We finally made it into the garbage bag and while he took it to the dumpster I had to mop it up. I thought a small price to pay for him doing all the dirty work. So as I continued to cook hamburger for the chili he graciously mopped up the liquid in the cupboard with paper towels and sprayed a few cleaners on the once pool of brown goo to get rid of the smell.
Truthfully the smell isn't completely gone but needless to say we probably won't be buying potatoes by the bag again.

How Bizzare...

I heard this story last night from a capoeira buddy while waiting for our Thai food.

After the train left North Quincy, while crossing the Neponset River around 7:20 a.m., passengers reported hearing a muffled groan. [Joyce] Judge, dressed in a pink velour top and matching skirt, stood in the middle of the fourth car. Suddenly, her water broke.

“At first I thought someone spilled coffee, but it kept dripping,” said Chin, 32. “But she stood staring out the window . . . I started doubting what I saw.”

About 90 seconds later, Chin said, “I saw a head, then full baby fall out from her skirt, hit the floor sideways and slide the length of the doorway, stopping when he bumped up against the next row of seats. Still she stared out the window. Either she didn’t know it happened or didn’t want to acknowledge it.”

Judge bent down, picked up the baby and wrapped it in her scarf, Chin said.

As passengers slowly realized what had happened, witnesses said, the train rallied around the new mother.

People offered sweaters and implored her to sit or lie down. Still, Judge refused.

“I’m fine,” she repeated throughout the trip. “I’m fine.”

With the JFK-UMass stop still three minutes away, passengers, some of whom vomited in the wake of the bloody birth, inundated State Police with cell phone calls.

Dispatchers told passengers to ask Judge if she had passed the placenta. Passengers yelled back that she had not.

Dispatchers asked if the baby was breathing. Others yelled back that they weren’t sure.

At one point, Judge took some nearby newspapers and placed them on the floor to soak up the blood. Some witnesses heard Judge apologize for the mess.

After leaving the train and heading for the stairs up to the station’s main lobby, witnesses said, the placenta fell to the platform. Judge turned around, grabbed the afterbirth, put it in her shoulder bag, and headed upstairs.

“She just literally picked it up with her hand and put it in some kind of bag she was carrying, and this was in mid-stride . . . It was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen,” said Robert Busby, of Weymouth.


If you want the link this is what I found.
I didn't know if this story was well shared but I had to whether or not.
It's just so... bizzare.

A not so celebrated fourth

So three years running now Bryan and I have one way or another missed a fireworks show for the fourth of July. It's not on purpose but seems to be a standing tradition each year. This year we thought we were going to watch a show with the in-laws but supper came and left and so did ten o'clock with the display. We did, however, catch the tail end as we drove home ready for bed. What lazy slackers we are.

In other news: Capoeira is kicking my butt. Or at least my feet. With old blisters broken open and new ones forming it seems the skin on my feet is keeping up. Having discovered athletic tape has worked it's magical charm, keeping my feet from becoming all the more painful as well as developing new blisters and sores. Seeing the more experienced feet has made me feel nervous about wrecking their prettiness.
My elbows have been wreaking havoc as well. For some reason or another they became very painful whenever I went to do a handstand or an au. I toughed it out on Monday but when Tuesday came I almost cried from attempting a handstand that looked nothing like one when I didn't even get my feet off of the ground.
Come Wednesday it was "hands-off" for me. Anything that required putting weight on my elbows made me want to cry out. I felt like such a wuss so I did everything else that I could so I wouldn't look like a quitter. The last thing I want is to look like a baby.
So rest and a little TLC should get me back out there like a champ. -Hopefully.

Oh, and Bryan had a good birthday. He says thanks to you, Alice, for wishing him one.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to my wonderful husband. Bryan is twenty four today. Happy -HAPPY- birthday.
I love you.

Capoeira

It is awesome. And my feet are completely sore today having started practice last night. Sorry to say that Bryan is completely sore all over. He had a hard time getting out of bed this morning. Thankfully I've been working out for the last umpteen weeks. But there is nothing I can do to prevent the blisters on my big toes.
Yes. The First picture I post on here is of my feet. But you just had to see these wicked blisters of mine. It goes almost all the way down my toe. And, yes, I do have one on each toe. Not to mention that the balls of my feet hurt to even walk on them.
So yeah, it's awesome. What was even more crazy is that the place was so dang humid we were starting to sweat before it even started. So by the time we were half way done with the class we were dripping sweat and soaked when it was finally over. During the warm ups the instructor asked if I was ok because I was already sweating. But it wasn't from anything but the dang water in the air.

Note to self: Next time bring water and a big towel.

I can't help but do nothing when it rains

It's a perfect rain today.
I hope it rains all day.
I think these are the best days to curl up and watch a movie with your movie-watching partner. In my case, Bryan.

California was wonderful. We didn't want to leave. No humidity. I'll post pictures once we put them on the computer. The water was too cold but we did put our feet in it and gathered a few shells on the way. I even got Bryan to skip down the beach as I got a picture. I have officially seen both sides of the states as well as both oceans having at least touched them.
Although the ocean was too cold we did get to go swimming in the hotel pool. A little chilly but once you got in and swam for a bit you forgot about it. Bryan got fried because he wanted some sun while I lathered on the sunblock and maintained my lilly white skin.
Bryan had fun at his conference (geekfest) which is the whole reason we got to go to ca. His other job is out in ca and so we got to meet his boss and some of the guys he works with. FYI Real Mexican food is not always Good Mexican food. I ordered something and it came with two burritos and some strange toppings. One smelled like horse feed while it the taste was horrifying. But they were nice enough to get me a new dish. It wasn't great either but at least I could stomach it.
All in all it was great but I did miss good ol' muggy Iowa. Well.. not really. However, I am glad to be home.


Have you heard the new ringtone for teenagers?? It's really annoying and it hurts my ears.


So my sister was extremely upset when she found out that we couldn't come down to meet her dear boyfriend nor did we make it a definite plan. This emotion of hers did include pouting ...and she's nineteen. So now we have to make a special trip to see this boy which I doubt is going to happen anyway because we really don't have the money to drive a two or four hour drive, nor the patience. Obviously we're the selfish ones because we can't appear to her every whim of an event and our lives don't revolve around her and her boyfriend.
Did I mention this is an internet boyfriend who she's only known for five months and at four they were talking about getting married??

Yeah...

BTW, it stopped raining.

sand between my toes

Tomorrow Bryan and I are going to California for a vacation. We're so excited ...except for the 6 am flight out. We'll be thinkin of you all ...by the oceanside....

So it's been a while.

Not that my life is boring it's just some things are too frustrating to post about. But I guess I need to otherwise I'll never catch up.
After my last post my sister wrote me a letter in which saying everything was my fault when, in truth, it goes both ways. So before this last weekend that we went to my mom's I printed out her letter and wrote some notes down. I wanted to sit down with her and explain some things and point some more out to her. I told my mom about my plan and she told me that my sister isn't mature enough for me to talk with her about such a serious subject. This made me laugh. Because I know that sitting down with her all that would have happened would be her getting defensive, putting on an, "I'm getting it" front and then complaining to my mom or other sister after we parted ways. The reason it makes me laugh is because she is talking about getting married to a guy she met over the internet only 4 months ago. She's met him in person and even introduced him to most of the family. Everyone seems to like him just fine. But how can she handle a very serious commitment when she can't even own up to her own faults and make peace with her flesh and blood? We all know that in getting married there are times when you're right and times when your wrong. Really wrong. But she can't even own up to the fact that she hasn't tried making peace with me. I, personally, had to learn to own up that I'm am wrong at times. I know it. I learn from it. But I also learned it before I was the same age as she is now.
Anyway, so the talk never happened and I didn't really change how I was acting toward her but she thought I was because she now decided to see it.
On other notes. I went to a good friends wedding on Saturday. She was part of what kept me sane while at college. So I must retract what I had said in my post Once a Bride, never a bridesmaid, sometimes invited because she was suppose to get married in October and I never heard from her. But for certain reasons they moved the wedding til last Saturday. Anyway, just want to send my congrats again to the lovely Tenn and her new hubby. Take care and God bless.
And last of what I will post today is another Happy Birthday to my terrific mom. 42 isn't a year older it's just another year to make the most of. Love you, love you, love you.

the call that broke the camels back

I guess I really don't know what to say or where to start because there's so much. Honestly I would just have to start from the beginning.
This isn't a sob story or a "feel sorry for me" or anyone rendition of what has happened. It's just the truth and that's the only way I can tell it.
I'm the oldest of three girls and when I was only six (if that) my father cheated on my mom and left us to fend for ourselves. Truthfully he and that are a whole other story but this one isn't about him or his stupidity.
After he had left and started his torment upon our lives the therapist had told my mom that we each would react to it all in a different way. My baby sister and I were very angry and would loose our tempers often. Sarah,the middle sister, would create drama with everything. Sarah was the one I chose to take my anger out on. I know and will admit now that I was very cruel to her growing up. She learned how to retaliate but being the oldest I would always win. So Sarah had taken on the defense that she thought she was smarter than me. She would use that to her advantage and would put me down. I'm not a genius by any means but I'm not even close to being somewhat dumb either. I'm fairly intelligent but because I dropped out of school and earned my GED she thinks less of me in the sense that I'm not that smart.
Dropping out was the smartest and only thing I could do. I was already homeschooled but because of the homeschooling system, in which there is none, they could care less of what happened to me. So being smarter than where I was suppose to be and having learned the higher education I decided to stop and get my GED as soon as I was able. I think it was at 16.
Anyway, that being beside the point. For the last 2 and some years I have been trying to correct my relationship with Sarah. I swear my efforts are useless because she still treats me as though I hate her. Since that is currently what she thinks. It makes me angry because she doesn't like to be told any criticism, an honest opinion or pure concern she'll become upset and won't listen. I've learned some time ago that I can't tell either of my sisters what to do but when it come to talking to Sarah she acts as though I have lived in a box with each of my blessing handed to me on a silver platter never having to gone through any turmoil. Therefore my opinion means nothing because apparently I have experienced nothing.
We're not close but truthfully it's because we're so different in our personalities. Yes, it has to do with the fact of how I treated her when we were kids but it also has to deal with how she treats me now. I have cried about it many times and even tried writing to her letting her know how I feel. But it seems pointless when she's not willing to meet me in the middle. I still love her and I'm still trying to reconcile with her but she does not make it easy.
My mom told me that the other day she called crying about how her and I aren't that close. All I could do was tell my mom, "what can she expect?" I know it probably sounds heartless but I did go on to tell my mom what she already knew, that I was making every effort but with Sarah it's like taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back. And again I know I was cruel to her. It was my way of taking out my anger from my father. I feel terrible for it now but it was how it was. I can't change it. All I can do is make up for it now.
My mom called me her "scapegoat" on the phone. This is because when she talks to us about things she's excited about and show concern about them she'll get angry with me even though my mom and I said the same thing. What should I do? Just bite my tongue and when the authorities find her body do I wait to tell her in the after life, "I told you so."? And really she has put herself in that position many times because she is so naive and thinks everyone is good. But I don't want that to happen. So I'll just continue looking out for her even if she does get angry with me.
This all probably sounds like every bad relationship with a sister. And maybe it is. I'm not sure.
I guess the only thing I can do is keep trying to make things right and sooner or later she'll come around.
Hopefully.

Leap Day anniversary

Tomorrow is Bryan and my anniversary of our engagement. Well technically it's not because he proposed on leap day. Now really people don't always celebrate it which is fine cause I wouldn't think to and the only reason I do is because last year Bryan bought me this gorgeous easel. Truthfully he didn't really do anything for Valentines day but flowers so he made up for it. I know I probably shouldn't hope for anything but it's kind of hard to after first thee most romantic proposal in 04 and an amazing easel in 05.
So what's in store for September? I don't know. Really I don't know if at all but he sure does have a lot to top.

Poor guy.

I promise he won't be in trouble if there isn't anything. Cause I know he still loves me.

another day but at least it's friday

I'm so glad it's friday. Praise Jesus, I need the weekend. I also need to paint our apartment. A smoker was in here pre-us and the walls are darker than they should be. But painting is prohibited. So we have to convince our landlord that we only want to paint it white and nothing more. White is way better than smokers yellowish cream. Especially when we're not smokers. Oh, it's thick too. I think we just notice it more. I had changed the plate on a light switch and the paint underneath was way lighter than it is now. The maintenance man was suppose to plaster and paint before we moved in, as with every available apartment.
I'm actually just tired of our living room look. I don't like clutter and that's exactly what has happened.

Watching the baby I nanny has it's good days like today. It reminds me that I do like babies, children in general. But then there are days like yesterday that keep me in check and remind me why I don't want kids yet. For the life of me I couldn't get him to stop crying. I think he was just tired so I put him down on the couch and let him scream for a few minutes. I figured he'd tire himself out and fall asleep. Which is what happened only after I held him. A nice long 3.5 hour nap.
I think I'm becoming unsociable from hanging out with a toothless, speachless, bald and needy 3 month old. I'm thinking I should maybe get another part-time job just so I don't start only hanging out with people that haven't learned to speak or can't hold their head on their own yet.

Anyway.

There's so much more going on, but it's too much and I'm too tired.

boring happenings

What a crazy, lazy weekend. I think the most Bryan and I got done was cleaning our apartment. It really needed it plus we had company over tonight. Well I guess that's not the most cause I did make some awesome homemade potato soup and strawberry pie. Talking to my mom she asked if I was becoming Suzie Homemaker. I don't think I am, I just like good homemade cookin'. Plus it's way healthier when you make it from scratch rather than buy premade stuff to throw in the oven... even if it does take way longer in front of the oven. And granted not everyone has the will nor time to do that but it is good even if just every so often. Truthfully I don't have the time all the time either.
This morning I was ready to go back to our nice warm comfy bed after only a half an hour of leaving it. And yesterday I fell asleep during the day. Bryan slept for 12 hours on Saturday but he certainly needed it. The weekends are catch-up-on-sleep days.
Valentines Day was good. I didn't get flowers but I did get two cards. Yes, two. I like receiving cards but Bryan isn't good at giving them. Blame it on his anti-card giving family. And I started to tear up because it I thought it was so sweet of him.
It's also been freezing here. The last couple of days it has been 0° with a windchill of 25° below. I know it's reached minus 30° in the night. Frost has been covering the edges of our windows which isn't unusual but it doesn't help trying to keep it warm. And not every man would stand out in that kind of cold scraping the window for you while your inside the car warming.

Happy Birthday Yesterday

I just wanted to say Happy happy Birthday to my wonderful Grandma who is now 62 yesterday.
62 years young
Love you Grandma, who probably won't read this but we love you anyway.

the dream of a dreamer

I have found a job. Well I should say that it has more so found me. It's funny how things always work out. Especially when you think there is no way and you're at the end of the rope. God will provide more than you could have hoped for.
A couple friends of our just had a baby and the mom, Erin, had two weeks left before she had to go back to work part-time. They started looking for a nanny and one day, just out of the blue, she made an off hand remark about me watching him. As soon as Bryan came home he told me that and I called them that night. A week ago last Thursday I went over to hang out for the day and all went well. So this last Thursday I started and everything was good. We now have enough money to get by and still have a little extra to start building our savings back up.
I'm also getting paid to do some drawings. It's interesting to do something specific that someone asks of you... and get paid for it. We'll be having a silent auction for the drawings I did during church so hopefully that will get more view (and clients) of what I can do.
So...
This is my dream:
to get my art out there, creating pieces for people one after another after another.
Someday my art is going to fill a room in a gallery and people will walk around stopping at each one they pass, even going back to some to ponder it a little more.
I want my art to move people.
Moving them in a way that makes them tear up at the sense of peace it brings them or simply leave them speechless.
I hope to bring them hope, dreams of their own.
I know that this is not only my dream but what I have been created to do.
This is not a dream that will one day happen but a dream that is happening today.
A dream that has been in progress since I was first able to pick up a drawing utensil.
A dream that started before my conception.
And a dream that will continue to inspire myself and, my hope, others.

another day, another dollar...less.

Friday I had that interview and it went fine but I soon got that phone call that everyone hates. No, not the one where they hire someone else but the one. You know, the one where they tell you that they have decided not to fill the position at this point in time...
Well then why in the world did we bother to come in, get drilled with a billion questions, wait in anticipation just to have you tell us that you're not going to fill it?
The reason they gave me is that the place to train people on the computer isn't training right now. Well, then they needed to specify that.
good grief.
So I'm still in search of a job.
Right now anything'll do, even a part-time job.
Shoot, I'll scrub floors if I have to.
Just something to bring in money so we aren't hurting so bad. We have completely depleted our savings except a few cents, down to nothing in our checking and Bryan doesn't get paid til next Monday. To make matters worse his boss still isn't paying overtime even though everything is back up to par. I don't think he gets that it's killing us. Bryan works his butt off and it feels like he doesn't recognized for his efforts. It frustrates me to the point that I'm ready to go in there myself and ask for his time and a half back.

Looking Mean and Stone Faced 101

I had a job interview this morning and I am convinced that Interviewers are highly trained to make themselves look very insensitive, uncaring, and mean. I'm certain there is a class on this.
Surely they can't be so unkind after the "In or Out" phone call... Or are they?
Well, either way, I am hoping for this job. At $13.65 and hour I could deal with just about anything. Because in Iowa that's a lot for not yet having a degree. Plus we need this job very much.

We also have a new car to replace the loss of our truck. It's quite nice. An '05 and never been owned. Lot's of gadgets and gizmos.
As for the truck I watched them tow it away on Wednesday morning at 9:00. It was a sad experience. But at least it provided safe rides and many memories.