...I'm a mom...

wow.

I've been home now from the hospital for a week -but it feels like so long ago. It has been such a whirlwind of an experience.
Right now, my daughter is lying on my lap fast asleep. She is a mommy's girl. She immediately knows when it's me. However, she does love her daddy.
I tried putting her in her bassinet and she woke up and became fussy. I know she needs to get used to it but I can't help it when she looks up at me with those sweetest eyes. She's beautiful, and wonderful, and charming.
From day one, I've had a hard time parting from her. Even when it was for sleep. And then when I came home I would have a hard time leaving the room. I'm OK if someone wants to hold her for a little bit as long as they stay close- even the grandmas. I do miss when being pregnant she was with me every moment. So now there's a little separation anxiety.
The first few nights home, about eight o'clock when I would become very tired, I would start sobbing. Probably not what you think- it was about how in love I am, how she'll grow up too fast, how one day I'll have to part with her. Then all the worries of someone harming her, serious illness or injury, not being a good enough mom and the like.
Come Monday morning, I had one more sob fest and that's when I just had to give it up to God knowing that I couldn't carry such thoughts. Why worry?
So here are a few of my new favorite things:

• the way daddy adores his daughter
• how she snuggles into my neck
• that I can soothe her just by taking her into my arms
• her tiny little hands and feet
• the faces she makes while she sleeps
• her sneezes
• that I can see both Bryan and myself in her little features
  
• her big bright eyes
• how she stretches and the face she makes
  
• the snorting noises she makes when she's hungry
• her squeaks
• when she snores
• her leaky right eye
  
• that she can't get enough of mommy

I am blessed

Welcome to the world, Amelia.

Amelia Sue
7 pounds exact
19 inches long
September 16 at 3:37 am

I'll update for you all but it will probably be the quicker version. We're still in the hospital and will be until Friday morning.
Here's the story:

Monday, after the doctor's appointment, I went home and contractions started becoming a little more frequent and more painful. By 20 til 5 they were 3 minutes apart for a half an hour. I called out to Bryan telling him it was time and so we left. We got to the Baby Center at about 5 and was having strong consistent contractions. After two hours they decided to admit us. Contractions were at an 8 out of 10 and I was beginning to cry. They moved us to our new room and they were now at a 10. I was sobbing. I asked for an epidural and my (very kind) regular doctor said to get me out of my misery although I was still at 1.5 cm dilated and 80% effaced. Got the epidural, which was amazing, at about 10 and the only thing that hurt about it was the tape coming off. Owie. Rested for an hour and a half, happily, checked me again and I was now at 7.5 cm dilated. Relief. He broke my water which was an extremely weird feeling. They waited until I was complete and then I started pushing. I prayed throughout pushing for our safety. I was pushing fine but Amelia wasn't moving too much. They could see her in the canal but she just wasn't progressing. The doc was getting worried because her heart rate kept dropping from 180 to 70. It fortunately kept going back up but the doc wasn't going to keep it up because he didn't want her becoming stressed. He said it might come down to a c-section. I pushed one last set and she just wouldn't budge. C-section. I was scared but remained calm. I would do whatever it took to keep our baby safe. I prayed it wouldn't come down to one but since it had I again prayed for our safety. I just wanted my baby safe. We went into surgery and I could feel him tugging at her. It didn't hurt, it was just weird. Bryan got to see her pop out and said she was bright eyed. They brought her to me and I got to see that beautiful little face. They gave me more drugs and I was out for the closures. After they were finished they woke me back up and got me ready for recovery. Bryan went and showed his parents and my mom (the brand new, proud grandparents) the pictures. Amelia stayed with me and we bonded. It was pretty amazing. The rest of the morning/day I was pretty delerious, in and out of consciousness and getting to feed ...and it was great. She is the most wonderful, beautiful creature I have ever seen.
Praise God for He is good.
Thank you all who have been praying for us. We are recovering and ridiculously happy.

:: Just to let you know ::

I could not sleep last night, or at least well, and I didn't fall asleep until around one. Waking up quite frequently within each hour from intense menstrual cramps, I finally got up at a quarter til 5 to eat something and walk around. Since menstrual cramps are a possible sign of labor on it's way, I was hopeful. In pain but hopeful.
This is the first time when having possible signs of labor that I was ready. Each time before I would become a little panicked not quite ready to give up being pregnant, but last night I was ready. I kept thinking, "Alright, let's get this started."
I ate a small bowl of cereal to calm the crabbiness of my empty stomach and then tried to go back to bed. But since I was still in pain and rolling around, I came out to the couch so as not to wake Bryan up. I thought that if I were going to go into labor soon I wanted my main support to be well rested.
This morning I didn't go to church because of the cramping and pain and whatnot. And throughout today I have been continuously having these pains which I think may have turned into labor pains. Quite painful, I tell ya.
I'm hoping that it's getting close, but I thought I would let you all know just in case I don't blog for a few days. Then again I may blog tomorrow telling you nothing has happened.
We'll see.

Same Ol'

Doc says I'm still at 1cm dilated.
He jokingly said, "You have a crappy cervix."
I laughed cause so I do.
He STM once again and this time it friggin hurt... a ton.
I think he was trying to do as much as he could since it was the third time-
but still.
He also said that since I'm still only 1cm he couldn't induce me
and can't until I'm further along.
So I go back in again on Monday to see where I'm at and then we'll talk.
It turns out my mom has a "crappy cervix" as well.
She had to be induced with all three of us girls two weeks after our due date.
*Sigh
I'll let him know that the next time I see him.
I told the doc about how after the last time I was in and he STM I felt really off the rest of the day.
And then that evening I got sick and threw up.
His answer: an optomistic "Good!"
He said that when he hears that it usually means labor isn't too far behind.

So after my appointment, I felt a little off.
I had to pee when I got down to the main lobby and found I was spotting a bit.
I was going to go to some stores to look for a crib bumper
but as I got to the car and was sitting talking to Bryan, I felt stranger.
He told me to come on home and so I did.
It must have really taken it out of me because I just needed to lie down and possibly sleep.
-which I did.
The BH I've been having seem different now.
I also have this "band" of pain that wraps around my lower back into my lower belly.
And I really feel like she's been pressing more on my cervix.

Anyway, that's the news.
We're hoping that these are some good signs
and that she may like the sound of coming on her due date.
That would be spectacular.

Still pregnant with baby

So, yes. No baby.
At least not yet anyway.
And at least not outside of the womb.
So, tomorrow I go back into see the doc.,
and he'll try STM one last time.
Friday is my due date so let's hope
that this baby knows that and she's planning on it ;)
Here's hopin' anyway.

Oh.. and full moon isn't until Monday..
which is when he plans on inducing me.